


End of the Line

by Schnaucl (Onetrackmind)



Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Episode: s03e24 The Janus List, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-09
Updated: 2008-06-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 10:58:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onetrackmind/pseuds/Schnaucl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie discovers his lover is on the Janus List.</p>
            </blockquote>





	End of the Line

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my betas knotted_rose and missmollyetc. Their input was very helpful. Any remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone.

Charlie couldn’t breathe.  The walls of the FBI conference room were too small, Amita was standing too close, and Ashby’s voice just kept _talking_ as though everything hadn’t just changed and he _couldn’t breathe_.

“I can make the call if you want,” Amita offered quietly. 

Charlie forced a breath and shook his head. “No.  It should—it should be me.”

His hands were shaking a little, but fortunately Don’s cell number occupied the number 1 speed dial slot in his cell phone.  He pressed the required two buttons on autopilot, barely waiting for the terse “Eppes” before speaking.

“I found the Janus list.”

“Charlie, that’s great, w—“

“Colby’s on it,” he said dully.

There was a moment of silence and then Don swore.  Charlie was silent.  There was nothing else for him to say.  Any joy he’d had in cracking the cipher had turned to ash and the how of it would never be as important as that single damning piece of information.  Don was still cursing when Charlie disconnected.  He stared at the phone in his hand -- unsure what to do with it.

“Charlie?” Amita asked softly.

Charlie blinked and turned to look at her.  “Oh.  You’re still here.”

“Come on, Charlie, why don’t you let me take you home?”

“No.  I have to stay.  They might need—“    He couldn’t’ breathe.  He pressed his lips together.  Closed his eyes.  Swallowed.  Focused on breathing in, then out.  Found his voice again.  “I need to be here.”

“Okay.  Do you want me to go?”

“No.  Stay.”   He swallowed past the lump in his throat.  “Please.”

They sat in silence, Amita’s hand on his knee.   None of this seemed real.  He kept thinking he’d wake up and be able to chalk it up as a bad dream influenced by Don’s paranoia.  

He barely noticed when Amita got up, came back, and replaced her hand on his knee.   He would have missed the woman who ducked her head in to nod at her if Amita hadn’t spoken.

“Charlie?  They’re bringing him inside,” she said softly.

Charlie stood up feeling suddenly old.  Ancient.

He expected Colby to look different somehow.   Changed.  But it was the same man he’d woken up with that morning.  The only real differences were the handcuffs on his wrists, and the body language of his former friends and teammates.

He must have made a noise because Colby lifted his head to look over at him.  Their gazes locked for just a split second but it felt like an eternity.  All the angry words, the denials and pleas, died before they ever reached his lips.   Then Colby was being hustled into an interrogation room and Charlie was racing for the bathroom so he could empty the contents of his stomach.

When he finished he washed his hands but couldn’t make himself move after that.  He couldn’t go back and watch the interrogation.  He couldn’t just watch as the people he cared about turned on each other. 

Charlie wasn’t expecting it when his legs gave out.  He made a belated grab for the counter but missed.  Once on the ground he slumped back against the wall, knees drawn up to his chin.  He thought about getting up, about locking the door, but he’d exhausted all his energy just sitting down.

He didn’t know how long he’d been there before Don found him.   Long enough for his eyes to turn red and burn with tears, and for his throat to become raw and tight.  Long enough to arrest Dwayne Carter and to start the process of booking Colby into prison.   If it was prison.  Maybe it was Guantanamo.  The penalty for treason was death.

“Charlie?” 

He’d only ever heard that tone in his brother’s voice once before, when their mother lay dying.

“I’m here.”

Don turned the lock and crossed the room, but instead of hauling Charlie to his feet, he sat down beside him, elbows resting on his knees. 

“I’m sorry, Buddy,” he said softly.

Charlie grimaced, then furrowed his brow.  “I always knew that I was better with numbers than with people.  But I never thought my judgment was so fatally flawed.”

“Charlie—“

“I keep going over everything I ever said to him.  Trying to figure out if I ever gave him information he could sell to the Chinese.  I’m questioning everything.  When he asked about my work, or my day, was it because he cared or was he just looking for information?”

Don bit his bottom lip.  “Buddy, c’mon, don’t do this to yourself.  I mean, he had us all fooled.”  
  
"Not you.  He didn’t fool you.  When I think about all those times I defended him to you…” he swallowed.  “He confessed, didn’t he?”

“Yeah.”

Charlie bit his lip and nodded.  “I knew.  In that split second, after Ashby said Dwayne Carter’s name but before he said the next - - I knew.  But I was hoping that maybe there was some kind of mistake.  Or that he’s really an undercover agent.  But I don’t have anything to base that on.  No evidence.  It’s just—wishful thinking. 

Even if he is an undercover agent,  I failed.  Either I failed in not seeing he was a double agent or I failed in believing the worst of him when I should have believed the best.  Either way I fail.  And if he is an undercover agent - - I don’t think I could still love someone who did that to us.” 

Don sucked in a breath and Charlie grimaced again, only partially succeeding in back fresh tears. 

“You never said—“

“We never said it.  To each other.  We never said—“ 

He rubbed at his eyes, biting his lip hard when Don reached out to squeeze his shoulder.   They sat like that for a while, Don squeezing Charlie’s shoulder while Charlie tried to stop crying.  

Finally, after the tears had stopped, Don stood and offered Charlie his hand. 

“Let’s go home.”


End file.
